he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
