just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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