In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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