I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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