1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
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