Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
