I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
it's like iHOP with fire
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
