I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
