I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
