It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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