Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
