how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
