my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
