Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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