I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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