There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
