I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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