I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Can you bring me the toilet please
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize