You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize