We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
