she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
