Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize