I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
