And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
