you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
