Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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