You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
no, he came in my armpit
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
