I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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