Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
