would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
