you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
