hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
