just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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