You're my little dorito
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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