I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
