So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
