i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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