Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
