I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
