I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
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