im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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