I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
