she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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