But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize