trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
is wine microwaveable?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i came on her dog
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize