My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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