I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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