Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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