you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
And then he peed in my hair
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
