Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
