Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
