Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm at about main and main street
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
