I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize