I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You can't motorboat a personality
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
