My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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