he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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