A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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