Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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