hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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