girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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