New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
