i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
