I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
