woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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