I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize